Friday, December 03, 2004
NEW NEWS NOW IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY... DUMBASS LIMITED
Thursday, December 02, 2004
JEOPARDY JENIUS JOLTED! 74-GAME WIN STREAK STRUCK DOWN BY QUESTION, "WHO IS KEN JENNINGS"
The answer: "This man, after winning well over $2 million during a 74 game streak, became the highest paid contestant in game show history". Unfortunately, the judges said that Ken's answer of "Who is Kent Shennings", while very close, was just not close enough. Although Ken argued that he actually did say the correct answer, it was all in vain. His great streak was over.
Monday, November 29, 2004
STATES FACE FIGHT WITH SUPREME COURT OVER MEDICAL HOOKER LAWS
MANY USERS INSIST "WE NEED PROSTITUTES TO SURVIVE"
As several states face a fight with federal foes over "Medical Marijuana" laws - which let citizens get high as long as they have a note - "Medical Madam" laws are facing an even tougher fight. "I simply have to have hard, wild sex with a curvaceous, experienced blonde every day, or I'm gonna die" said one Medical Madam patient. "I need my hooker just as much as those other freaks need their pot." Others were not so convinced. The federal Sex Czar, Dr. Peter Phaless, said in a statement that "allowing Medical Madam laws to go unchallenged will undermine our efforts to conduct the War On Sex. That is a war we intend to win." Advocacy group Hooked on Hookers took a different tack, saying advanced treatment -- such as gradual withdrawal from hookers and replacement with dull, librarian-type "prostitute substitutes", is the best answer.
