Friday, February 04, 2005
NUDE PORNSTAR REPLACES RATHER; "CBS EVENING NEWS WITH JENNA JUGGS" JETS TO TOP SPOT WITH RECORD EYE-NET EYEBALLS
RATINGS "NOT OUR MAIN REASON FOR HIRING NAKED STRIPPER-PORNSTAR NEWSREADER" SWEARS CBS PREZ; "IT HAS MORE TO DO WITH POWELL LEAVING THE FCC"
Ratings for "The CBS Evening News with Jenna Juggs" shot through the roof Thursday night, as Dan Rather's busty successor set Nielsen records, bringing in record viewership in every demographic except "octogenarian Evangelical Christian". "My eyes nearly popped out" exclaimed CBS head Les Moonvest. "Not at Jenna, but at the ratings". ABC took notice too; noting the advancing age of Peter Jennings, an alphabetery intern told TRR they're in talks with Diane "Boomboom" Pontoons to take the reins of their newsteam, although higherups deny the rumors. NBC, which just made the switcheroo from Tom Brokaw to Brian Williams (despite, according to one leaked memo, Brian's "less than stellar tits"), denies it desperately wants to spice up its anchor desk by adding topless titan Chesty Whoremoan to its Nightly lineup. FOX, for its part, told TRR they have a standing offer out to Quisha Gazongas to be lead anchor, if their lawyers can get Quisha out of her iron-clad contract with Sexsocket Entertainment.
Ratings for "The CBS Evening News with Jenna Juggs" shot through the roof Thursday night, as Dan Rather's busty successor set Nielsen records, bringing in record viewership in every demographic except "octogenarian Evangelical Christian". "My eyes nearly popped out" exclaimed CBS head Les Moonvest. "Not at Jenna, but at the ratings". ABC took notice too; noting the advancing age of Peter Jennings, an alphabetery intern told TRR they're in talks with Diane "Boomboom" Pontoons to take the reins of their newsteam, although higherups deny the rumors. NBC, which just made the switcheroo from Tom Brokaw to Brian Williams (despite, according to one leaked memo, Brian's "less than stellar tits"), denies it desperately wants to spice up its anchor desk by adding topless titan Chesty Whoremoan to its Nightly lineup. FOX, for its part, told TRR they have a standing offer out to Quisha Gazongas to be lead anchor, if their lawyers can get Quisha out of her iron-clad contract with Sexsocket Entertainment.
