Saturday, September 03, 2005
LARRY KING's LIKING NEW NEWS NETWORK!
PRESIDENT BUSH PRAISES NNN - NEW NEWS NETWORK
BILL CLINTON ON NNN: "ALMOST AS GOOD AS INTERNET PORN"
35 YEAR OLD MAN, APPETITE RUINED AFTER EATING DESSERT BEFORE DINNER IN 1977, FINALLY EATS AGAIN
Solid Food May Be Consumed "As Soon As Next Week", Say Baffled Medical Experts
A man whose mother said his appetite would be ruined if he ever ate dessert before dinner is finally eating food again, according to doctors at John Hopkins. After losing his appetite back when the original "Star Wars" was released (as well as "Annie Hall"), Alan Leftoe spent 28 years nourishing himself with pills and liquids, but he is now looking forward to actually eating "real food" again. Alan's mother could not be reached for comment, as she was too busy spending quality time with Alan, telling him how awful his current girlfriend is and why she'd make a terrible wife even though Alan just wants to schtup her a few times.
In an amazing coincidence, both directors of the aforementioned films (George Lucas and Woody Allen) have new films out this year. Film fans are ecstatic because the two auteurs will finally join forces for a daring new project -- the romantic sci-fi action comedy, "Melinda and Chewbacca", coming out next summer.
A man whose mother said his appetite would be ruined if he ever ate dessert before dinner is finally eating food again, according to doctors at John Hopkins. After losing his appetite back when the original "Star Wars" was released (as well as "Annie Hall"), Alan Leftoe spent 28 years nourishing himself with pills and liquids, but he is now looking forward to actually eating "real food" again. Alan's mother could not be reached for comment, as she was too busy spending quality time with Alan, telling him how awful his current girlfriend is and why she'd make a terrible wife even though Alan just wants to schtup her a few times.
In an amazing coincidence, both directors of the aforementioned films (George Lucas and Woody Allen) have new films out this year. Film fans are ecstatic because the two auteurs will finally join forces for a daring new project -- the romantic sci-fi action comedy, "Melinda and Chewbacca", coming out next summer.
Friday, September 02, 2005
BUSH GIVES DRAMATIC "ICH BIN EIN NAWLINER" SPEECH TO KATRINA-RAVAGED NEW ORLEANS; TOURS LOCAL GOLF COURSES TO WITNESS DAMAGE TO LEISURE-SPORT INDUSTRY
Arriving in 'Poison Gulf', Bush Blasted for Delayed Response to Disaster Victims; National Guard Finally Arrives, Days Late, In Honor of President's Guard Record
by Don Rose
President Bush vigorously defended his handling of the Katrina-caused disaster in New Orleans and surrounding areas of the South today. "Hey, give me a break", Bush said. "It's hard work. Hard work. First, there was the Iraqi Constitution to finish, everyone knows that rewriting is the hardest part. You cannot deny that. Second, I had several rounds of golf to finish in Crawford -- it is simply bad form to cancel a tee time without several days notice, everyone in Texas knows that. It's just plain wrong. Third, why ain't no one giving me credit for ending my vacation a couple days early? Those Democritics conveniently forget stuff like that."
Asked how he responds to widespread criticism over the length and timing of his vacation, Bush said, "I am glad you brought that up. Someone remind me to visit the golf courses here -- I bet all this rain'll make the greens real soft-like. I can shoot right for the pin, I reckon!"
After his speech and a smattering of clapping, Mr. Bush got in a golf cart to tour the weather-ravaged sections of the Big Easy. Upon seeing the atrocious conditions and terrible situation there, Bush held his mouth in horror and exclaimed, "Geez, this should be called the Big Sleazy! P-U! Someone airlift in a maid or two!"
President Bush vigorously defended his handling of the Katrina-caused disaster in New Orleans and surrounding areas of the South today. "Hey, give me a break", Bush said. "It's hard work. Hard work. First, there was the Iraqi Constitution to finish, everyone knows that rewriting is the hardest part. You cannot deny that. Second, I had several rounds of golf to finish in Crawford -- it is simply bad form to cancel a tee time without several days notice, everyone in Texas knows that. It's just plain wrong. Third, why ain't no one giving me credit for ending my vacation a couple days early? Those Democritics conveniently forget stuff like that."
Asked how he responds to widespread criticism over the length and timing of his vacation, Bush said, "I am glad you brought that up. Someone remind me to visit the golf courses here -- I bet all this rain'll make the greens real soft-like. I can shoot right for the pin, I reckon!"
After his speech and a smattering of clapping, Mr. Bush got in a golf cart to tour the weather-ravaged sections of the Big Easy. Upon seeing the atrocious conditions and terrible situation there, Bush held his mouth in horror and exclaimed, "Geez, this should be called the Big Sleazy! P-U! Someone airlift in a maid or two!"
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Don Rose
Editor In Chief, The Rose Review www.therosereview.com
Don Rose
Editor In Chief, The Rose Review www.therosereview.com
Sunday, August 28, 2005
JIMMY DURANTE'S ORIGINAL RECORDING OF "CRAZY FROG" LEAPS TO NUMBER ONE ON RINGTONE CHARTS
Classic funnyman Jimmy Durante originally recorded the "Crazy Frog" song under the Yiddish translation title, "Mashuggana Fruggana", which was first recorded by one of Thomas Edison's engineers back when the phonograph was invented. In fact, after Edison recorded "Mary Had A Little Lamb", engineer F. Farnsworth Shinsberg convinced the great inventor to let him record "Mashuggana Fruggana" (and the term Mashup stems from this title as well).In a sign that Durantemania is taking American ringtone charts by storm, the Top Five songs are ALL Jimmy Durante hits:
Number 1: "Mashuggana Fruggana"
Number 2: "Inka Dinka Doo"
Number 3: "Jewish Schmewish, I'll Marry The Shiksa If I Wanna"
Number 4: "Hokey Pokey"
Number 5: "Mary Had A Little Lamb (and Damn, It Tasted Fine)"
