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In a move to capitalize on the hot ratings Dan Rather gathered during his final broadcast in the top news seat, CBS decided to extend the Anchor of Rancor's 630pm contract, announcing that the show will be renamed "The CBS Evening News: Last Broadcast with Dan Rather". "The concept has worked wonders with aging rock bands, and Cher, what with all their farewells and reunions and re-farewells and re-reunion tours, which the public can't eat up enough, so we figured, heck, why not for news?" said CBS's Head of Programming Publicity, Greg Gregarios. "Did you see those Eye-popping numbers for Dan, pun intended?" quipped Greg. "We beat the other two guys, hands down, and the higherups said, hey, maybe we were too quick to judge Dan, maybe we should ask Rather to unquit. Let him say goodbye every night, until the public tires of such a blatantly pandering stunt. And so they did." Rather was unavailable for comment, as he was busy finishing his special with retired NBC news anchor Tom Brokaw, about the new upcoming Harry Potter book; the show, "Tom, Dan and Harry", will air on the FantasyGeek channel this summer.

With tears in his eyes, outgoing FCC chief Michael Powell said goodbye to his co-workers today, but did not laugh at all at the farewell party cake, which read "FCC ya later, Alligator!". Powell, son of Colin Powell, said his obsession with dirty words and Janet Jackson's breasts has nothing to do with his father's "funny first name", teasing he got as a kid, and a rebuffing by Ms. J at a swank Hillary Swank party a few years ago. Powell said he will most miss "all the penalizing that goes on around here", then he immediately slapped himself with a three million dollar fine for saying a word with the Latin dirty root "penal".

He was always known for rather unorthodox Ratherisms.
He allegedly said farewell to Walter Cronkite with the line, "Are you finished?".
Then he took over CBS Evening News, and began ending each broadcast with "Courage".
That didn't last long. Nor did his sweaters.
Then, lately, there was plenty to sweat about.
Then he ended his farewell dinner with co-workers with the line, "Are you finished with that?"

So, then, what will Dandy Dan's final on-air goodbye be?
What utterance will close his 24 year reign as Anchor of Rancor?
Now, for the first time anywhere, TRR scoops other news nets by bringing you the list of lines Rather ran by his bosses for his final day's final phrase:

I'M DAN RATHER, AND YOU'RE NOT.

I'M DAN RATHER, AND I'D RATHER NOT DO THIS ANYMORE. SEE YA.

I'M RATHER... PLEASED... TO BE SAYING GOODBYE.

COURAGE, COMPADRE.

YOU CAN TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT. I AINT ANCHORIN NO MO'.

COURAGE, COMPADRE. SAYONARA.

WHAT'S THE FREQUENCY, KENNETH? HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW!

PORRIDGE.

I HATE MY JOB. DONT YOU? BE HONEST. G'NIGHT.

STORAGE.

THIS HAS BEEN A BLAST. OR SHOULD I SAY, WILL BE. BOMB FOOTAGE AT 11. BYE NOW.

I AM INCOURAGEABLE. GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD RIDDANCE.

THANKS FOR A bush WONDERFUL knew QUARTER CENTURY AS 911 YOUR ANCHOR, AND AS I LEAVE YOU knew ahead of time I HOPE YOU WILL trust me on this one REMEMBER ME WELL seriously AND SO, bankrupting economy THIS IS DAN bush bum RATHER, SIGNING worst president ever OFF.