Wednesday, January 12, 2005
PRES BUSH, IN ATTEMPT TO MEND FENCES WITH PEOPLE OF COLOR, WILL HONOR M.L.KING BIRTHDAY WITH "I HAVE A DREAM HOUSE" SPEECH
After the landmark Bush speech, Vice President Cheney will go to Rochester to perform the ribbon cutting on the new $12million Amos and Andy Center for Racial Stereotypes.
IRAQ WMD SEARCH ENDS, WITH ZERO WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION FOUND; U.S. BLAMES PREMATURE CANCELLATION OF BODY CAVITY SEARCH AT ABU GHRAIB PRISON
The U.S. search squad in Iraq, now suffering from "being majorly bummed out" after finding no WMD's, "can still take heart at all the items they DID find" said Colonel Tennyson J. Wyker. Some of the items Col. Wyker claims his team found at Iraqi prisons:
* Howard Dean poster
* Book by John Kerry, "My Secret Plan for the Mass Liberalization of America"
* Official John Edwards nuts
* Hillary Rodham Clinton pom-poms
* Arianna Huffington hotcake recipes
* Ted Kennedy drinking game
When asked if millions of Americans might become outraged that the original reason we went to war in Iraq has now proven totally faulty, White House spokesman Lefty McShift laughed heartily, then, after catching his breath, said "Come on, we bailed from that and switched to other official reasons months ago, can't you guys keep up?"
* Howard Dean poster
* Book by John Kerry, "My Secret Plan for the Mass Liberalization of America"
* Official John Edwards nuts
* Hillary Rodham Clinton pom-poms
* Arianna Huffington hotcake recipes
* Ted Kennedy drinking game
When asked if millions of Americans might become outraged that the original reason we went to war in Iraq has now proven totally faulty, White House spokesman Lefty McShift laughed heartily, then, after catching his breath, said "Come on, we bailed from that and switched to other official reasons months ago, can't you guys keep up?"
