Once-famed showbiz legend Fyvish "Four Bits" Finkelstein is suing rapper 50 Cent for "50 million cents" in damages for allegedly stealing the aging entertainer's act. "He took it, hook line and sinker -- and the stinker never even called to thank me, take me out for matzo ball soup, nothin'!" screamed Four Bits. "Me, I bend over backwards to help any schmendrick with a shtick. But not this schvartze!" Meanwhile, in a related story, Hal "Half Dollar" Dollard is also filing suit against 50 Cent, claiming the rapper owes him 50 cents. "I gave him four bits too much from the register" said Half Dollar, "and Mister Cent didn't even have the courtesy to acknowledge my error when he bought that copy of Gangsta Rap Weekly from my store. What a bastard." 50 Cent could not be reached for comment, but a spokesman told TRR that with all the hubbub, the music star is considering going back to his real name, Ernest Twoquartermain.
