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Monday, May 23, 2005

 

EBERT AND ROEPER PLACE AD IN VARIETY, SEEKING NEW FILM RATING SYSTEM; "MUST GO BEYOND THUMBS", THEY ADMIT


Going Beyond Thumbs Up, Thumbs Down, Great, Sucks "Bodes Well For Industry"

The popular "Two Thumbs Up" and "Two Thumbs Way Up" may go the way of the dodo if Roger Ebert has his way. The famed movie critic recently told TRR that reviews by he and partner Roeper "are too fuzzy and inexact for today's digital age", and "need to be updated".

Currently, the E/R system employs five main overall reviews:
TWO THUMBS WAY UP, aka" great";
TWO THUMBS UP, aka "good";
TWO THUMBS DOWN, aka "not so hot";
TWO THUMBS WAY DOWN, aka "stinker";
and
THUMBTHING'S WRONG HERE, aka "are you Yahoo Serious?".

The new system, dubbed Ebert And Roeper's New System, would allow a wider range of film rating categories, featuring (from highest to lowest ranking):
FOUR THUMBS WAY UP (two thumbs each)
FOUR THUMBS UP
TWO THUMBS WAY UP
TWO THUMBS UP
ONE THUMB UP (or, TWO THUMBS HALF UP)
NO THUMBS
ONE THUMB DOWN (or, TWO THUMBS HALF DOWN)
TWO THUMBS DOWN
TWO THUMBS WAY DOWN
FOUR THUMBS DOWN
FOUR THUMBS WAY DOWN
CHUCK 'n BURY
WE WALKED OUT
WE WOULD CUT OFF OUR OWN THUMBS RATHER THAN WATCH THIS MOVIE
HOLY CRAP, THIS CRAP HAS HOLES!
and
ROSIE O'DONNELL'S IN IT.

Ebert told TRR he may even allow fractional thumbs in the rating system for the first time, allowing for even more exact film commentary. He also would not rule out rumors that he is pushing to add pinkys, which could be a variant of the thumb-and-pinky film rating gestures developed by surfer tribes in Hawaii.

Roeper, speaking off the record, said the famed critic team might even do away with thumbs altogether, and instead opt for a radical new apples-and-oranges film comparison system, developed by a group of fruit growers in Central America.

 

STAR WARS "REVENGE OF THE SITH" TAKES IN BOFFO $158MIL BOXOFFICE IN US, USING AUCTION TO SELL 158 TIX AT A MILLION EACH

"...Sith" (which, some nerds have pointed out, is an anagram of a "very naughty dirty word") took in a record-breaking $50 million during its opening day last Thursday, the new single-day record helped out because, as exit polling revealed, some people had heard of this "Star Wars" before.

But what was truly unique was the method by which the record box office was achieved: a new system whereby 50 tickets across the country were auctioned off for $1 million each. Another 108 "million-dollar tickets" were sold the rest of the weekend, bringing total US receipts to $158 million. Add in another 145 tickets sold at a mil each overseas, and the newest Star Wars flicks has taken in a staggering $303 million worldwide.

Lucasfilm and theatre owners have noted that once more people are allowed to buy tickets, at slightly lower prices, total sales may rise even further.

In a related story, George Lucas has announced plans to buy Northern California, for $98 billion in cash, stock, and Star Wars memorabilia. All land north of Modesto will be renamed "Lucalifornias" in 2006.