Thursday, January 20, 2005
BUSH SWORN IN; PROMISES TO SPREAD LIBERTY, UPHOLD MORAL VALUES, KILL MORE TOWELHEADS
exclusive NNN team coverage of the Inaugural coronation
The President outlined several key proposals for his second term, which W dubbed "The Bush Push". This Push must be passed, he said, "not just 'cause I think it's a just cause, but 'cause the Lord just told me it's a just cause". His broad and ambitious list of action items include:
* Operation Here We Go Again:
The Search for Nukes In Iran
* Reducing Taxes
* Expanding Texas
* Privatizing Social Security
* Privatizing Homeland Security
* Privatizing Iraqi Prison Security
* Ban on Gay Marriage
* Ban on Gay Dating
* Ban on Gay Flirting
* Ban on Gay Handshakes
* Ban on Stem Cell Phone Research
* Ban on Teaching Evolution
except when it harms the health of the teacher
* Ban on the Democratic Party
This last point raised the most eyebrows. Democrats responded vehemently, immediately forming a commission, and telling the press they will balk feverishly at this agenda item, perhaps using a filibuster. However, they say there may still be room for compromise, and do not wish to step on any toes.
New technology is also on the President's second term agenda. High on his wish list, said Bush, is the "Democracy Wand", which, once waived over a nation, will transform it into a democratic society. It is believed to be several years away from fruition. Mr. Bush also called for increased funding for NASA, to search for Christian life on Mars.
In perhaps his most memorable phrase, The President also introduced a bold new Bush Doctrine: "America can do unto others whatever we wish to do unto them". Later in the speech, he stated the Doctrine another way: "We shall do unto others before they do unto us".
Bush also reached out to black voters, on this Martin Luther King holiday week, by launching his new "I Have A Dream House" initiative, providing credits to black citizens to help them buy their first home, provided they first prove their Christian faith by living for a year as a white man's slave. "After such proof of their faith in Jesus, we shall verily provide bountiful tax credits to help such people of color buy a dream house" -- where, the President joked, "they may be fruitful and, God willing, not multiply too much".
Other speech highlights included a long-anticipated call for a National Jew Not Call List... proposed tax relief for those making over $100,000 a year who have suffered too great a reduction in tax... and a bill that would seek Reparations for millionaires who lost money in the "sinful stock market crash". Homeland security was also addressed: after invoking the phrase "9/11" a record 58 times, Bush proposed that airlines adopt a Facial Color Alert system, "inspired by" the current color-coded danger level system now in place, which most experts agree has saved countless millions of lives.
To help the economy stay "strong and vibrant", Mr. Bush proposed that Congress enact a monthly shopping day called "Christmall", in order to "stimulate our New Economy every New Moon". Intended as a monthly "Christmas Lite", Christmall will, according to the President, have a different theme each month -- January: buy gifts for black friends, February, buy gifts for all those we love, March, buy gifts for Irish friends, April, buy gifts for friends who didn't get a tax refund, May, buy memorial gifts for those friends who have family that died in war, June, buy gifts for those just married, July, buy gifts for your most patriotic friends, and so on.
Although new programs was his main focus, Bush also insisted he will reduce the massive, record-breaking, back-breaking deficit. The President's top cost cutting proposal: move our boys from Iraq right over to Iran for the next war, without wasting funds on bringing them home and then shipping 'em out again. "Imagine the savings!" Bush quipped, which led ailing Chief Justice Rehnquist to laugh so hard he had to be removed on a stretcher.
Despite the Rehnquist flap, it was a passionate and moving 20 minute speech, according to the Christian campaign contributors in attendance. In wrapping up, Bush thanked members of his base and other supporters that helped him ride to "a massive 53 percent majority mandate" -- including conservative Christians, evangelical Christians, and God. Condoleeza Rice and Leeza Gibbons then sang a duet version of "Let The Eagle Soar", outgoing Attorney General John Ashcroft's touching song of freedom, as 1000 bald eagles and endangered condors were let loose over the throngs of crying Christians. All in all, it was $14 million well spent, indeed.
The President outlined several key proposals for his second term, which W dubbed "The Bush Push". This Push must be passed, he said, "not just 'cause I think it's a just cause, but 'cause the Lord just told me it's a just cause". His broad and ambitious list of action items include:
* Operation Here We Go Again:
The Search for Nukes In Iran
* Reducing Taxes
* Expanding Texas
* Privatizing Social Security
* Privatizing Homeland Security
* Privatizing Iraqi Prison Security
* Ban on Gay Marriage
* Ban on Gay Dating
* Ban on Gay Flirting
* Ban on Gay Handshakes
* Ban on Stem Cell Phone Research
* Ban on Teaching Evolution
except when it harms the health of the teacher
* Ban on the Democratic Party
New technology is also on the President's second term agenda. High on his wish list, said Bush, is the "Democracy Wand", which, once waived over a nation, will transform it into a democratic society. It is believed to be several years away from fruition. Mr. Bush also called for increased funding for NASA, to search for Christian life on Mars.
In perhaps his most memorable phrase, The President also introduced a bold new Bush Doctrine: "America can do unto others whatever we wish to do unto them". Later in the speech, he stated the Doctrine another way: "We shall do unto others before they do unto us".
Bush also reached out to black voters, on this Martin Luther King holiday week, by launching his new "I Have A Dream House" initiative, providing credits to black citizens to help them buy their first home, provided they first prove their Christian faith by living for a year as a white man's slave. "After such proof of their faith in Jesus, we shall verily provide bountiful tax credits to help such people of color buy a dream house" -- where, the President joked, "they may be fruitful and, God willing, not multiply too much".
Other speech highlights included a long-anticipated call for a National Jew Not Call List... proposed tax relief for those making over $100,000 a year who have suffered too great a reduction in tax... and a bill that would seek Reparations for millionaires who lost money in the "sinful stock market crash". Homeland security was also addressed: after invoking the phrase "9/11" a record 58 times, Bush proposed that airlines adopt a Facial Color Alert system, "inspired by" the current color-coded danger level system now in place, which most experts agree has saved countless millions of lives.
To help the economy stay "strong and vibrant", Mr. Bush proposed that Congress enact a monthly shopping day called "Christmall", in order to "stimulate our New Economy every New Moon". Intended as a monthly "Christmas Lite", Christmall will, according to the President, have a different theme each month -- January: buy gifts for black friends, February, buy gifts for all those we love, March, buy gifts for Irish friends, April, buy gifts for friends who didn't get a tax refund, May, buy memorial gifts for those friends who have family that died in war, June, buy gifts for those just married, July, buy gifts for your most patriotic friends, and so on.
Although new programs was his main focus, Bush also insisted he will reduce the massive, record-breaking, back-breaking deficit. The President's top cost cutting proposal: move our boys from Iraq right over to Iran for the next war, without wasting funds on bringing them home and then shipping 'em out again. "Imagine the savings!" Bush quipped, which led ailing Chief Justice Rehnquist to laugh so hard he had to be removed on a stretcher.
Despite the Rehnquist flap, it was a passionate and moving 20 minute speech, according to the Christian campaign contributors in attendance. In wrapping up, Bush thanked members of his base and other supporters that helped him ride to "a massive 53 percent majority mandate" -- including conservative Christians, evangelical Christians, and God. Condoleeza Rice and Leeza Gibbons then sang a duet version of "Let The Eagle Soar", outgoing Attorney General John Ashcroft's touching song of freedom, as 1000 bald eagles and endangered condors were let loose over the throngs of crying Christians. All in all, it was $14 million well spent, indeed.
