Saturday, October 30, 2004
SINCLAIR AIRS FAIR AND BALANCED POLITICOMERCIAL, "OSAMA: WHY I LIKE KERRY"
New Osama video details Kerry's life in sections like "Infidel High", "High Infidel" and "High Infidelity", yet still winds up endorsing the Democrat
Sinclair Broadcasting, eager to prove it has no pro-Bush slant in its programming, aired the full half-hour of Osama Bin Laden's just-released pro-Kerry video (available for $19.95 if you call now, 1-800-LIBERAL). In the new docu, the titan of terror praises the Democratic hopeful, saying "Honestly, I never do this kind of thing, taking sides among the infidels, but I just woke up one day and thought, 'Anybody but Bush... Anybody but Bush...' ". Bin Laden's "Why I Like Kerry" then takes viewers on a wild "trip" down Kerry-memory lane, describing his "sex-and-drug fueled days" with "Hanoi Jane" Fonda, his "hookup with John Edwards" this year, and his intense desire to become "the first guitar-playing acid-chomping gay President". Upon analyzing the footage, the White House began snickering and raised the terror alert to Code "Rainbow". Camp Kerry immediately responded with its own coded message, raising the "error" alert to "Bu!!sh!t".
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Monday, October 25, 2004
Sunday, October 24, 2004
TRANSPORTER EXPERIMENT GOES "HORRIBLY WRONG"; PRESIDENTIAL HEAD, ARMS BEAMED INTO FLORIDA PODIUM
Feelin' boxed in: President Bush looks dazed after transporter experiment rearranges his body parts with unexpected results
In an attempt to one-up his opponent today, Mr. Bush made the bold decision to use experimental human-transporting technology to hop from swing state to swing state in seconds rather than hours. However, his first "leap" from Ohio to Florida resulted in a successful trip for head and arms, while torso and legs remained in the crucial Midwestern state. The GOP decided to take advantage of the Commander In Chief's dual location by scheduling two simultaneous stump speeches today: one in West Palm Beach by Bush-Head, and the other in Cleveland by Bush-Stump.
