Friday, October 22, 2004
IN NEW STUMP SPEECH, BUSH SAYS NATION FACES CLEAR CHOICE: RICH WHITE MALE GRADUATE OF YALE UNIVERSITY, OR RICH WHITE MALE GRADUATE OF YALE UNIVERSITY
"Who do you think will defend this country from terror better: a rich white male graduate of Yale University who has a totebag from Skull and Bones, or a rich white male graduate of Yale University who has a mug from Skull and Bones? I think the answer is clear as my mind".
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
UNDER PRESSURE, SINCLAIR DROPS BIASED SHOW CRITICAL OF KERRY; INSTEAD AIRS BALANCED DOC, "JOHN KERRY: WIFE-BEATING JEW OR WAR-WAFFLING TRAITOR?"
Sinclair Broadcasting told the press they do not want to give an impression that they are leaning towards either Bush or Kerry, and apologized for any controversy. After intense pressure from several groups, and the firing of one of their top news people, the company announced they are dropping a controversial program critical of the Democratic Presidential nominee. Instead, the documentary "John Kerry: Wife-Beating Jew or War-Waffling Traitor?" will, according to Sinclair, "show both sides of Kerry, and let the audience discover his true nature for themselves".
Monday, October 18, 2004
BUSH PICKS UP KEY MEDIA ENDORSEMENTS: MILITARY INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX DAILY, GOD'S WORD GAZETTE, NUCULAR WASTE WEEKLY
Also jumping on the White House bandwagon were The New Pork Times, NRA N' NASCAR Today, Bully Pulpit Press and, surprisingly, Juggs. Meanwhile, opponent John Kerry had a good week, picking up support from Thyme, Jewsweek, Lesbian Daughters of the American Revolution Monthly, Wonkoff.com, and National Guard Deserters For Kerry Magazine. Italian paper Wall Street Giorno was still reportedly undecided, "and may not even take a side", said Editor In Chief Frederico Fellatio, wearing a white suit, sleek glasses, and two ubermodels.
TRR SCOOP: GOP TO THROW LAVISH "OSAMA WHERE ART THOU" PARTY
The "Osama Where Art Thou" Halloween Ball and Fun-Raiser has already become THE hot ticket in Washington, as President Bush has, according to our trusty TRR sources, decided to finally cart out the terrible terrorist for all to see, mock, shock and awe. At great risk to life and limb, TRR has obtained the official Press Release, available exclusively here, at New News Now. It reads:
"Get out your turbans and dust off that Cat Stevens impression, because the Grand Old Party is throwing a Grand Old Party indeed, to celebrate the "coming out" of America's former favorite felon, Mr. Bin Laden hizzelf. Donors will pony up a pretty penny to play "Dunk The Terrorist" with OBL, after which the wet warlord will get the electrical voltage treatment from high-roller guests in the "Shock the Monkey" room. After enough guests have "Been Proddin" Osama with tazer guns, all will enjoy a sumptuous dinner of Osamosas, Filet Minion, Red Sea Bass, and Spin Room Spinach. Jay Leno will then host a roast of the guest of dishonor, featuring Don Rickles, Dennis Miller, and Yakov Smirnoff. Bin Laden will then be roasted on an open fire."
"Get out your turbans and dust off that Cat Stevens impression, because the Grand Old Party is throwing a Grand Old Party indeed, to celebrate the "coming out" of America's former favorite felon, Mr. Bin Laden hizzelf. Donors will pony up a pretty penny to play "Dunk The Terrorist" with OBL, after which the wet warlord will get the electrical voltage treatment from high-roller guests in the "Shock the Monkey" room. After enough guests have "Been Proddin" Osama with tazer guns, all will enjoy a sumptuous dinner of Osamosas, Filet Minion, Red Sea Bass, and Spin Room Spinach. Jay Leno will then host a roast of the guest of dishonor, featuring Don Rickles, Dennis Miller, and Yakov Smirnoff. Bin Laden will then be roasted on an open fire."
