Saturday, December 24, 2005
CONGRESS DEBATES WHETHER SPYING ON CITIZENS WITHOUT WARRANTS IS WORSE THAN ORAL SEX
Planned Hearings To Call Expert Witnesses Jenna Jameson, Heather Hooters and Quisha Lipps; "Fellatioratory" May Begin As Soon As AVN Porn Convention Ends In Vegas
Which is more impeachworthy: getting pleasured by an intern, or intercepting communications in America without getting warrants thus ignoring the Constitution's balance of powers? The first is worse. Of course. I mean, come on. "Fell-lie-tio" (lying about oral sex) is far, far worse than "Splying" (not asking permission for spying on our nation), say political pundits, since the latter was needed to fight terrorism and preserve our freedom to have conversations spied on.
However, a TRR investigation now reveals that, in his defense, Bill Clinton said fighting terrorism was in fact the reason for his pursuit of oral pleasure from a sexy young woman -- even though that act singlehandedly violated the rights of millions and put CIA agents at risk around the world. "Monica Lewinsky, and her young nubile pals, may have provided incredibly valuable information about terrorism in the U.S.," said Clinton, "since she often wrote me notes saying members of Congress were 'terrorble', and left her feeling 'terrorfied'. So, I decided to debrief her. One thing led to another and, well, she wound up debriefing me. But I had defending our nation on my mind the entire time -- except for, maybe, 2 minutes tops".
Monday, December 19, 2005
IRAN'S PRESIDENT BANS WESTERN MUSIC; "IT SUCKS", HE CRIES
President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, answering charges he has been "not as Ayatollah-Khomeni-like lately", has banned Western music from Iran's radio and TV stations, reviving one of the harshest cultural debates since the heady days of 1979 and the Islamic Revolution: does Western Music "suck" or does it "blow". A new Iranian poll shows it "blows", 89 to 9 percent, with 2 percent writing in "bites". Songs such as George Michael's "Careless Whisper," Eric Clapton's "Rush" and the Eagles' "Hotel California" have been publicly decried as "blasphemously terrible, almost as horrible as tunes by saxophonist Kenny G. But not quite."
