Wednesday, November 10, 2004
ASHCROFT RESIGNS AS ATTY GENERAL, ACCEPTS OFFER TO HEAD GAY JEWISH CRUISE LINE
The facts are still sketchy, but both CBS News and the NY Times are reporting that the nation's lead law enforcer has stepped down, and will accept a new post as head of CruiseGayJews -- a leading Hebrew homosexual vacation conglomerate. Ashcroft neither confirmed nor denied the story, but a source close to John said he "wanted a new challenge". Another source said Ashcroft often interrupted meetings to watch reruns of The Love Boat, and expressed a profound admiration for Gavin McLeod's work, "so you connect the dots".
VIETNAM WAR BUFFS HOLD ANNUAL RE-ENACTMENT
"G.I.'S, GUNS 'N GOOKS" MEET IN PARK TO ENJOY BURGERS AND DOGS AS CROWD CHEERS "REMARKABLY REALISTIC" DEPICTION OF NAPALM SPRAYING, MY-LAI MASSACRE, TET OFFENSIVE IN TRADITIONAL GARB
"There's always a faction that wants to change the outcome of our mini-Nam, but I say, if we're gonna do an accurate restaging, we gotta keep it real -- gotta make sure we suffer a humiliating and decisive drubbing," said Vietnam Veterans Thespians President Hal Gallup. "The mock airlift from our faux Saigon always brings down the house".
In related news, a new spinoff group, Daughters Of Gulf War Actors Group, is set to debut their Persian Gulf re-enactment next year, with Guest of Honor Donald Rumsfeld throwing out the ceremonial first bomb. DOGWAG tickets are still available.
