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Thursday, December 15, 2005

 

TRANSCRIPT OF TODAY'S MAJOR FOREIGN POLICY SPEECH BY PRESIDENT BUSH

"As we make terrific progress on the terror-ridden road to freedom from terror, terror terror terror terror terror. Saddam terror terrible terrorists Iraq terror terrorism 9-11 terror furor terror Tower of Terror terror-terror elections terror democracy terrorocracy terror terror to defend this nation from terror error."

"In addition, terrifying terror torture terror terroristic terror torture rapture capture terrorists, terror terror Teri Garr terror terror terror Teri Hatcher terror hatchet catastrophe. Furthermore, terror terror terror terror terrorterror terror terror terrorterror terror terror terrorterror terror terror terrorterror terror terror terrorterror terror terror terrorterror terror terror terrorterror terror terror terrorterror terror terror terrorterror terror terror terrorterror terror terror terrorterror terror terror terror. May God Bless Ameriterrorica."

 

FEDERAL TRADE COMMISSION REACHES OUT TO YOUTH OF AMERICA; TESTS NEW "DO NOT HOLLABACK" LIST

In an official government press release, the FTC said today they are attempting to reach out to "young gangstas, fashionistas, and hastalavistas" by testing a new alternative to the popular "Do Not Call" list, specifically designed and targeted to attract men and women under 30. The new "Do Not Hollaback" list, if approved, "will not only tell marketers not to call these youngsters, but will also enable hot chicks to block loser guys from calling them if they accidentally give out their number while under the influence of alcohol, drugs, or some hypnotist at a comedy club".