Friday, August 18, 2006
PRODUCERS OF "SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE" SELL SPINOFF TO CBS, "SO YOU THINK YOU CAN SHUT UP FOR A WHILE"
NASA ADMITS IT NOT ONLY LOST ORIGINAL TAPES OF FIRST MOON LANDING, IT ALSO ACCIDENTALLY TAPED OVER FIRST EAGLES REUNION
NASA, under fire for losing tapes of the greatest event in mankind's history - the landing of Apollo 11 and Neil Armstrong's first steps on the moon - now admits that someone at their agency has accidentally recorded over tapes of the first Eagles reunion tour. Ironically, some polls indicate that the retaping incident may have in fact improved the popularity of NASA.
The space agency had no comment on the sudden appearance on YouTube and iTunes of two new mashup videos: "The Eagles Has Landed," featuring Joe Walsh and Glenn Frey tripping Buzz Aldrin with hilarious results - and "Moon Rocks", in which Don Henley conducts an experiment to see if "Hotel California" can still be numbingly boring in a vacuum.
The space agency had no comment on the sudden appearance on YouTube and iTunes of two new mashup videos: "The Eagles Has Landed," featuring Joe Walsh and Glenn Frey tripping Buzz Aldrin with hilarious results - and "Moon Rocks", in which Don Henley conducts an experiment to see if "Hotel California" can still be numbingly boring in a vacuum.
PRODUCERS OF "SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE" SELL SPINOFF SHOW TO SPIKE TV, "SO YOU THINK YOU CAN LIGHTEN UP ON THE MAKEUP A LITTLE YOU WHORE"
DIRECTOR OF "SNAKES ON A PLANE" SIGNS ON FOR SEQUEL, "SNAKES ON A TRAIN THAT CAN'T STOP FOR SOME REASON"
PRODUCERS OF "SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE" SELL SPINOFF SHOW TO ABC, "SO YOU THINK YOU CAN CLIMB MOUNT EVEREST"
Saturday, August 12, 2006
70's TV SHOW "IRONSYDE", FEATURING DEAF, DUMB, BLIND, DISABLED DETECTIVE WHO TRIPS CRIMINALS WITH HIS CANE, WILL NOT BE COMING TO TV LAND THIS FALL
**FLASH** (Los Angeles, CA) TV Land announced today that classic 70's police series "Ironsyde" - about a deaf, dumb and blind Chief of Detectives for San Francisco PD who, after being shot 47 times in the foot by a sniper, gains telepathic powers, which he uses to find criminals on the run who he then trips with his trusty cane, Brutus - will not be part of their Fall lineup. The news rocked the lucrative "boring cop drama" industry, as this is only the second program TV Land has ever turned down. TV Land's previous rejection was the BotchCo failure "Cop Poetry", in which all dialogue took the form of limericks.
An exec from rival network NosTValgia told NNN that TV Land may still decide to go after the 60's BBC show "Ironsmythe," on which "Ironsyde" is based. In the English version, Ironsmythe's foot is shot only 35 times, and the cane is named Malcolm.
TV Land did, however, announce it has picked up the rights to another popular 70's show, the kid classic "U. R. Puffin' Stuff." This heartwarming series featured a boy named Billy who befriends a group of drugged out unemployed sketch comedy writers and their pudgy 9-foot tall imaginary friend Spliff, who is very rich and supports the do-nothing lifestyle of the writers, but who eventually sues the writers over credit for a show Spliff feels he helped create but that the writers stole, called "Iffy Spiffy Spliff in a Jiffy."
An exec from rival network NosTValgia told NNN that TV Land may still decide to go after the 60's BBC show "Ironsmythe," on which "Ironsyde" is based. In the English version, Ironsmythe's foot is shot only 35 times, and the cane is named Malcolm.
TV Land did, however, announce it has picked up the rights to another popular 70's show, the kid classic "U. R. Puffin' Stuff." This heartwarming series featured a boy named Billy who befriends a group of drugged out unemployed sketch comedy writers and their pudgy 9-foot tall imaginary friend Spliff, who is very rich and supports the do-nothing lifestyle of the writers, but who eventually sues the writers over credit for a show Spliff feels he helped create but that the writers stole, called "Iffy Spiffy Spliff in a Jiffy."
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
LIEBERMAN, LONG LEADLESS, LOSES; LAMENTS LAMONT
Connecticut Senator Admits His Support of President's Plan to Annex Poland May Have Been His Undoing
Joe Lieberman, who vaulted to national attention as the Democratic Party's candidate for Vice President in 2000, lost that party's Senatorial primary August 8th in Connecticut. A major factor in the loss, said his doctor, was that Joe was suffering from a severe case of a malady clinically known as "Nojoementum".
However, the Senator told tens of loyal Connecticutians that, come fall, he will run as an "Independent Democrat." When asked if he just invented that term in order to justify running twice against his Democratic vanquisher, Ned Lamont, Mr. Lieberman said "absolutely not - I don't just make up terms for the hecque of it, pardon my French." When asked how he defines "Independent Democrat", he said that it's "someone whose beliefs are halfway between a 'Lieberal' and a 'Liebertarian' ".
Finally, Joe told the press that, if he loses as an Independent Lieberal-Liebertarian Democrat, he will join the Green Party and run under the name "Mean Joe Green".
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Joe Lieberman, who vaulted to national attention as the Democratic Party's candidate for Vice President in 2000, lost that party's Senatorial primary August 8th in Connecticut. A major factor in the loss, said his doctor, was that Joe was suffering from a severe case of a malady clinically known as "Nojoementum".
However, the Senator told tens of loyal Connecticutians that, come fall, he will run as an "Independent Democrat." When asked if he just invented that term in order to justify running twice against his Democratic vanquisher, Ned Lamont, Mr. Lieberman said "absolutely not - I don't just make up terms for the hecque of it, pardon my French." When asked how he defines "Independent Democrat", he said that it's "someone whose beliefs are halfway between a 'Lieberal' and a 'Liebertarian' ".
Finally, Joe told the press that, if he loses as an Independent Lieberal-Liebertarian Democrat, he will join the Green Party and run under the name "Mean Joe Green".
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Saturday, August 05, 2006
OWEN WILSON AGREES TO "DUPREE" SPREE; WILL DO SEQUELS "YOU, ME AND DEACON BLUE" & "THAT STEELY DAN SONG WITH THE BITCHIN SOLO"
Steely Dan issued a statement saying that they still think Wilson's film "You, Me and Dupree" is a ripoff of their song "Cousin Dupree", and their similarity is not "pure coincidence, synchronicity, dumb luck and poppycock" as Owen claims it to be. The group, best known for a string of 70's pop hits, also announced two new singles to be released this year - "Reeling in the Wedding Crashers" and "Zoolander, Don't Lose That Number".
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
ISRAEL RESUMES LEBANONSTOP BOMBING; WIDENS SCOPE OF WAR TO INCLUDE BOMBING HOME OF MEL GIBSON
Sunday, July 30, 2006
MEL GIBSON APOLOGIZES FOR ANTISEMITIC REMARKS DURING DUI ARREST; SAYS THIS WON'T AFFECT PRODUCTION OF HIS NEW SEQUEL "THEM JEW BASTARDS KILLED CHRIST"
In a statement, the Oscar-winning director added that "some of my best friends are Jews," and "no, I never said Jews control all of Hollywood - it's only like 75 percent, tops." He also promised to remove objectionable scenes from his sequel to "The Passion of the Christ" -- such as a 12-minute sequence showing closeups of large Jewish noses, and another scene where several Jews attend a party for Jesus without bringing anything.
Gibson, after apologizing profusely, closes his statement by saying, "I want to encourage everyone to go out and see 'Them Jew Bastards Killed Christ.' It's really fun for the whole family. And, to show my good faith, I want to invite all Jews to see the film absolutely free, because I know how they hate to part with money."
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Gibson, after apologizing profusely, closes his statement by saying, "I want to encourage everyone to go out and see 'Them Jew Bastards Killed Christ.' It's really fun for the whole family. And, to show my good faith, I want to invite all Jews to see the film absolutely free, because I know how they hate to part with money."
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Tuesday, July 25, 2006
TRUMP, HEADY FROM "APPRENTICE" SUCCESS, LAUNCHES SPINOFF SHOW, "SLEEPOVER IN MY COMBOVER"
THE DONALD's new show follows 12 wannabe ubermodels vying for a lucrative contract while living in luxury within Trump's pompadour.
Trump's heady high-rise (Trumpshead Bay) features several condos starting at only $900,000 - "a real bargain," says Ed Shill, editor of Trumpadour Magazine.
The "delightful damsel dozen" will frolic in follicles until a winner is chosen or Trump gets a trim - "whichever comes first".
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Trump's heady high-rise (Trumpshead Bay) features several condos starting at only $900,000 - "a real bargain," says Ed Shill, editor of Trumpadour Magazine.
The "delightful damsel dozen" will frolic in follicles until a winner is chosen or Trump gets a trim - "whichever comes first".
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