Thursday, February 02, 2006
IN STATE OF THE UNION SPEECH, BUSH SHOCKS CROWD WITH REVELATION THAT U.S. IS "ADDICTED TO OIL"; ALSO REVEALS MEN "LOVE BIG BOOBS" & 3 "IS LESS THAN 4"
Here is the official and complete White House list of the stunning revelations President Bush shared with us in his most enlightening speech ever -- the 2005 State of the Union address:
The state of the Union is strong.
The Union of two heterosexuals is strong.
The United States is addicted to oil.
Oil is more addictive than crack cocaine, Blackberries and Jennifer Aniston combined.
The fact that a gas nozzle is phallic may be enticing female motorists to consume more oil.
We must find and lock up the dealers of oil, not blame the oil addicts trying to kick the habit.
To help those suffering from oil addiction, federal funding will triple for Oilcoholics Anonymous.
A new "War on Oil" campaign will officially replace the tired, outdated "War on Drugs" campaign.
New "Just Say No" banners will be mandated for all gaspumps.
Men love big boobs, the bigger the better.
Men prefer natural boobs to fake boobs, but we'll take what we can get.
The number 3 is less than 4, and apparently has been for some time.
Pluto is both a dog and a planet.
George Clooney is a triple threat -- actor, writer, director, producer.
"Curb Your Enthusiasm" is the funniest show on television -- that Larry David is a hoot.
If every one of us drove a Prius like Larry David, is that really a world you'd want to live in?
Jack Abramoff who?
