Thursday, February 10, 2005
FIORINA OUT AS HP CEO; MONKEY THAT MAKES DECISIONS BY THROWING DARTS AT PIE CHARTS IN
Hewlett Packard took what some called a radical step today, announcing a monkey will replace its current CEO. According to an HP spokesman, the exit of Carly "The Broad" Fiorina was "totally her decision, with absolutely no prodding or coaxing whatsoever by us, and that's the God's honest truth, I swear on a stack of Bibles and may God strike me dead if I'm lyin' here." After dropping dead, his replacement told TRR the monkey move was inspired "at least in part" by many Super Bowl commercials of the past few years, where simians "seem to handle work pretty darn well, and with a lot of zest and enthusiasm to boot". No word on the exact amount of compensation the new CEO will receive, but we have learned that the salary range is between 10 million and 12 million bananas per year, with a golden parachute of 3 million bananas if he is replaced at some point by a dog or ferret.
