Thursday, February 16, 2006
SCHOLARS SAY NOSTRADAMUS PREDICTED PRESIDENTS DAY MATTRESS SALES
A new theory, proposed at the annual History of American Folklore Conference this week, asserts that legendary seer and mystic Nostradamus predicted the future existence of President Day sales, in particular the "selling of mattresses at great discounts" to a "future republic of states between coasts". Nostradamus also predicted that such sales will be the "greatest legacy of the Presidents Lincoln and Washington", whose exact birthdays will eventually be forgotten "like keys to an old condo".
Michel de "Mike" Nostradamus
The radical and provocative theory is based on newly discovered texts. The new quatrains mention several times the invention of "amazingly soft and cushy slumber squares", as well as the words "Sealy", "spring air" and "Seers stores". The word "Hilter" also makes an appearance, which scholars believe may have been an early mattress brand in the colonies.
Nostadamus, known as "Lefty" to his bowling buddies, also predicted many other future events, inventions and people in his remarkable seer career, including Pop Tarts ("Popptaarts"), Peter Frampton ("Petra Frizzyhairdampton"), Alpo ("Halpoe"), Woodstock ("Boomerama"), the Lilith Fair concerts ("Tickedoffchicks Faire in Square"), Lindsay Lohan ("Lowsay Lowhand"), the cellphone ("celular telegraph"), Coke ("Sugarwaater"), Google ("Goggle giant, really reliant -- be you compliant or be you defiant?"), Yahoo ("Yippee and Yahoo! I shall tell you true -- yours truly hath laid my chaste chambermaid"), and sex in airplanes ("Mile Hight Cluuubb, for lovers of danger, and those who don't worship that guy from the manger").
Filed by NNN Senior Editor Don Rose.
Michel de "Mike" NostradamusThe radical and provocative theory is based on newly discovered texts. The new quatrains mention several times the invention of "amazingly soft and cushy slumber squares", as well as the words "Sealy", "spring air" and "Seers stores". The word "Hilter" also makes an appearance, which scholars believe may have been an early mattress brand in the colonies.
Nostadamus, known as "Lefty" to his bowling buddies, also predicted many other future events, inventions and people in his remarkable seer career, including Pop Tarts ("Popptaarts"), Peter Frampton ("Petra Frizzyhairdampton"), Alpo ("Halpoe"), Woodstock ("Boomerama"), the Lilith Fair concerts ("Tickedoffchicks Faire in Square"), Lindsay Lohan ("Lowsay Lowhand"), the cellphone ("celular telegraph"), Coke ("Sugarwaater"), Google ("Goggle giant, really reliant -- be you compliant or be you defiant?"), Yahoo ("Yippee and Yahoo! I shall tell you true -- yours truly hath laid my chaste chambermaid"), and sex in airplanes ("Mile Hight Cluuubb, for lovers of danger, and those who don't worship that guy from the manger").
Filed by NNN Senior Editor Don Rose.
