Monday, February 20, 2006
NEW BIN LADEN TAPE SURFACES; EVILDOER VOWS TO CONTINUE TO RESURFACE WHENEVER BUSH NEEDS TO PUSH NATION'S FEAR BUTTONS
Osama bin Laden stated in a new tape that he is "sick and tired of being trotted out every time Bush needs a ratings bounce", and declared the U.S. government has been resorting to the same "dirty tricks" used by "Dicky Nixon" in the "swinging seventies". The terror-ble tyrant also complained at having to still use tapes, "when all the kids are burning and ripping CD's now".
bin Laden, who looked tanned and rested, also complained that he is no longer at his "fighting weight" due to the rich food he is forced to eat at the lavish government bungalow he has been sequestered in since December 2001. "All this filet mignon, caviar and oysters rockefeller is enough to make a fella fat", complained bin Laden, who admits he is scared the posh country club lifestyle is ruining his diet.
Elsewhere on the tape, Osama compares himself to Saddam Hussein for the first time, admitting that even he no longer knows who really planned 911. The al-Qaeda kingpin (bin Laden, not Hussein) said that he and Hussein were now "buds", and that they had indeed shared phone numbers and emails at a lavish "Conversative Cons and Ex-Cons" party thrown in honor of Tom Delay a few weeks ago.
Other highlights of the tape: bin Laden reading passages from his dating guide, "Why No One Wants the Most Wanted Man In The World" (now atop the book charts), and a discussion of his new reality show, "Osama and Omarosa", which explores how being negative can lead to success. Finally, bin Laden vowed to "sock it to" whoever released the photo below.
bin Laden, who looked tanned and rested, also complained that he is no longer at his "fighting weight" due to the rich food he is forced to eat at the lavish government bungalow he has been sequestered in since December 2001. "All this filet mignon, caviar and oysters rockefeller is enough to make a fella fat", complained bin Laden, who admits he is scared the posh country club lifestyle is ruining his diet.
Elsewhere on the tape, Osama compares himself to Saddam Hussein for the first time, admitting that even he no longer knows who really planned 911. The al-Qaeda kingpin (bin Laden, not Hussein) said that he and Hussein were now "buds", and that they had indeed shared phone numbers and emails at a lavish "Conversative Cons and Ex-Cons" party thrown in honor of Tom Delay a few weeks ago.
Other highlights of the tape: bin Laden reading passages from his dating guide, "Why No One Wants the Most Wanted Man In The World" (now atop the book charts), and a discussion of his new reality show, "Osama and Omarosa", which explores how being negative can lead to success. Finally, bin Laden vowed to "sock it to" whoever released the photo below.
